Love hurts, Love scars, Love lost in time

Heartache will bring misery and distress to your dying life. But as what my grandpa said time will forget you, the person you loved, and your feelings. You will be soon forgotten like the spring’s fallen leaves – dead and senseless. Time will just continue passing like … ohm… the Japanese bullet train. Oh yeah! It’s fast!

Yes, I agree with what grandpa said but he was a bit wrong. You may forget the feeling but not the person. Time will come that you will remember the one who stole your heart away. Your long-term-memory has the face of the one who caused you insanity, desolation, and sleepless nights with cigarettes and alcohol.

This someone still dwells in the back of your mind. His or her file was zipped in your subconscious database like some necessary computer language. And that special moment will come that you will meet again.  Guess what, that special moment happened to me yesterday. I saw her and she’s fat but not that really fat.

Truth is she’s still lovely and beautiful as ever just like when I first saw her face in the college school paper. She broke my heart and I’m always grateful for what she did make me realized that I don’t deserve someone like her. The Ice Princess always belongs to the Ice Prince and I’m no prince. I’m just a boy with suicidal tendencies.

This is how she broke my sagacity…

POEM FLOWER

May 4, 2006

Son of Escaflowne,

Reading each line of your letters made me feel I’m not alone and piercing at all. I realized that I am so blessed for the reason that somewhere out there, there’s someone who appreciates the little things I do. You’re the least that I expected to appreciate me or should I say “to love me”.

Maybe you’re just telling me all these things because you don’t really know me. I am just a little nobody filled with bitterness inside this empty heart. The confessions of my pen are just a playground of my deep thoughts over someone and over life.

I feel so guilty seeing someone in grief and in pain because of me. I am not worth a tear! Maybe you just adored my face, my smiles, and my writings. Maybe you don’t really love me. Maybe it’s just a simple attraction.  It fades and when the time comes, you might be remorseful after all. (When all that left are these bitterness, hatred, and ingratitude of my soul.)

Please stop sending me letters and gifts. I don’t want to offend you as I understand you but I don’t want to tolerate you either. Please stop this. I’m sorry but I can never afford to hurt you even further.

God speed!

Always,

Ice Princess

After I read this letter I left that place because it just reminds me of her presence. I went to Manila and I promised to myself that I will keep her letter until the day we meet again. (I threw this letter to the flooding river yesterday afternoon.)

Lesson learned – there’s no way to forget a love that has been lost in time just escape. Escape is the best answer. You will not hurt any other soul but just your wicked heart. Pain makes us human… to love and to be loved make us divine.

Goodbye Ice Princess. See on this side or the other.

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